The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
