Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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