Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
