all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
