he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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