Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
