I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
