oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
