My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
