So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
