make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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