I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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