Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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