i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Green mimosas i think yes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
