dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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