I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
