I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
