pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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