Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
