If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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