Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
