Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
