last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
