yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
