I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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