Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
