Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
