are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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