And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
