i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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