I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
