eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
