i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
