I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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