I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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