I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
