I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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