If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
