I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
