dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
