That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
