I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
