Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
