I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
