Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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