she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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