i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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