Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
