I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
