Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
